Henry's Pounding: Weekly Wanking.
Everybody knows Henry is the dirty old man of SL-porn. He works for and is fired from a certain SL adult movie production studio more often then he had sex in his life so he thinks he knows his shit, believes real-life is a bitch and he knows there no such thing as thinking about sex to often. Somehow he is never asked to be in the movies - so he decided to review them and get his revenge that way... his personal opinions of course - not necessarily the views of this blog...(and of course everybody also knows that Henry is Thorgal McGillivary's bitchy closer to real-life alter-ego)
Welcome everybody - welcome to my little corner of terror here on the PornStars website. I knew it was only a matter of time before the community would cry out for my extraordinary expertise. It's a dirty job - and somebody has to do so I'll be here every week with a quick rating (rating 0 to 5 stars) of new stuff on SL PornTube and if I deem anything worthy I'll will also do an in-depth review of one movie in particular each week... separating the shit from the fan so to speak...
Time to either get really scared or put on some clean undies and start offering some regular free sex because just so you know right from the start; if you make shitty movies there's no easy way to get a positive review from me here on the PornStars blog. Now let's get on with the roundup - you can all remove me from your friend list later or try put on some big-boy-pants and get over it... (be sure to send me a picture showing how they look on you ladies.. I'll be somehow including those in next weeks roundup ;)
Weekly Wanking, stroke up - stroke down :
The things I have to do. By Vixen's Studios
Nice idea done well - business woman showing how motivated she is to get a loan. Well done avatars and scenery (CMNF?) - overall a good looking short movie ending in a bit of disappointment for me as the woman kept her clothes on and I found soundtrack rather boring.
The Pornlord - B&B Twins. By Lorenzo Beerbaum
The latest episode of the pornlord series which I find to be rather dull. At first I was not sure why - the graphics are crisp, avatars aren't the worst and I love how the PornLord himself isn't just another great looking SL pretty face but still I couldn't be bothered to watch it without forwarding... then it hit - we've seen it all before... it's simply another casting series with nothing added - well done but boring... and some simple cropping could get rid of the fraps url btw.
Grand Opening. By Pink Productions.
A different kind of movie since it's more of a registration of the opening event of Ayara's new club. So no points there for script and story there. Must have been hell to get everything to rezz, move and still manage to create some fluid footage. Graphics are good - and Ayara always manages to somehow make something extra combining sound and video in her own recognizable way. She creates some great phased-out effect on this one fitting very well with the urban grunge theme of the club. "Just" a shoot of the opening event, but one which kept me watching - even more so when the second half focused on the more intimate euhm... get together in the club by some of this industry hottest avatars.
AleXo Casting 30 - mimi. By AleXo.
Another casting movie - so no points scored on originality... when compared to the previous one (I know I shouldn't, but I will do anyways just because I can) it's better on some points but even worse in others. First of all Alexandr at least tried to create some sort of story/script/interview kind of thing by adding text... which is good... then again - I was so annoyed by the awful spelling errors and the lady floating above her chair that I already considered it my time wasted then... I did continue (like I said, it's a dirty job) and on the plus side - I liked the avatars and Alexandr always makes nice shots, angles, zooming and panning which made it less boring then the pornlord's one (fair is fair - his cock was bigger). So all in all your average SL casting movie with a sort of disappointing end.
Finally This Weekly wank's WTF?!
I'm gonna go easy this first week and not get to specific :) What is up with all the test-shoots, intro's and full UI visible look at me having animal sex on SL PornTube lately? We don't care that you managed to rotate a few nice looking words in a explosion of light... or that you finally managed to start fraps and recorded your first few frames ever... of course these need to be done, everybody needs to learn and to experiment but don't go bother us with those because we don't give a shit... testing and doing test-shoots is good, uploading those to SL PornTube is simply a waste of good bandwidth and time I could have spent fucking some poor girls brains out... so please - just don't...
So there you go... first ever Henry's Weekly Wank. Expect some in-depth reviews coming soon and if you feel the need to be pounded next week be sure to send me an IM or NC with the info. Same goes of course for all rants and name-calling if you need that to feel better about yourself
Wank on! (I sure will...)
Henry
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